Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
