Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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