ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
