I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
