Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
