I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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