I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
