Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think your dad took our porno
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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