I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she pinky promised me she was 18
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
