it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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