Soap is not a condiment
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
