She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
