glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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