she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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