I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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