I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
