You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
