i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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