Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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