She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
as a side note pls kill me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
