So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
