just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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