Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Less talking, more tequila
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.