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Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Randomize
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