she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?