he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
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Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet