I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
