That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
