No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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