She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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