We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
