i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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