I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize