it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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