Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
