are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
