Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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