Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
