Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right