What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.