we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.