so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.