Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
