I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?