You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
