Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
