apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
