The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is the high leading the old right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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