sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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