The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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