i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
