All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
