So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
