you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
