i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
