I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
