tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
