dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
