I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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