how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's always time for handjobs
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
