The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
