I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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