I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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