im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he shaved USA in his pubs
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
