Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Randomize
