she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
