she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
