he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
