end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
