i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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